Dance with Me: Learning to Follow
It was last winter, I was driving on a cold rainy night feeling hopeless. Often, God begins with hopeless and gives us something that He will faithfully use to build our faith. Jae Jin has a line in their song, Dance with Me, that says, “When you see the light then run, run back to me.” Over the past year, He has taught me to run back to Him. I love this song because it describes my year so well.
“You are a melody I hold in my hand.”
Yes, my name is Melodi, which is always a good way to relate, but what I really love is that as the year has passed, I realized that this song holds a longing that I have, which God fulfills.
On that cold rainy night, I cried to God about what I should do. He said to my heart to go to Two Stones. If you know the restaurant then you may be saying what I said…
“That’s not the voice of God! You just want bread pudding.”
But when it’s God speaking to your heart the voice begins soft and then grows with intensity. You cannot make it stop. He has something to say, and I want to hear it. But I did not want to eat alone on this occasion. If you know this girl, then you know that I don’t usually believe that God is speaking to us around every corner, but this year has been different for me. One of my friends said yesterday that maybe He becomes what we need. This year has been difficult and wonderful.
Difficult because I am alone facing the exit of my last child in a year and half, and I didn’t choose this. This is a place that God has brought me, but I really did not want to come, here. I don’t mean Maryland or Delaware. I love where I live. I mean being ALONE. The word used to sound like a giant bellowing into a cavern.
Wonderful because I have learned that God is WITH me.
Up until this cold rainy night, I had only clearly heard His voice a couple of times in my life. Over the past year, He has held me close and spoken to my lonely heart. He knows how desperately that I need Him, and He has clearly taught me to hear His voice. He is with me.
As I pulled into the restaurant, my phone rang. It was one of my daughters. “I don’t know what is going on, Mom, but you need to know that there is hope.” She went on to tell me that God would make a way where there seems to be no way, and then she asked me what I was doing. If that had been all that God would do on that rainy night, it would have been enough, but He wasn’t finished.
I went into the restaurant, sat down, and waited.
If you have been with me to a restaurant more than once, then you know I don’t usually need to look at the menu for long because I order the same thing over and over, again. It’s safe. Why take the chance that I won’t like what I have on my plate?
Then in my mind I said, “See, God, I just wanted bread pudding.” He told me to take out my phone and do a specific search, and that night He promised me a gift. I can’t tell what the gift is, it’s not time for that and it’s not the point of this post. The point is that I needed to have hope, and I needed faith.
Faith is like a muscle. We must struggle to build muscle. It takes work, sweat and effort. You may be thinking that if God gives it, then it shouldn’t be worked for. Well, yes and no. Today, I finished a book, If You Want to Walk on Water You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat. It asks, when in your life have you experienced God getting bigger. I laid my head back to think…
Over the past year, waiting on this promise, hmm it was during suffering. Yes, waiting is suffering sometimes. God got bigger in my life in the hours, days and years after my husband died. Those were the two that came to mind.
Both have required long periods of struggle, pain and waiting. You may be wondering, why there is waiting after someone dies. The most asked questions by widows are,
“How long am I going to feel like this?”
“Will this ever be over?”
“When will my life be normal, again?”
Waiting… I am still waiting. Do I want the waiting to be over? Oh, yes! Please! But on the other hand, the things that I have learned in this waiting have been lessons that I wouldn’t trade.
As a child, I suffered. My Dad had serious mental health issues which led to much abuse. In no way will I excuse his wrong actions, here, but I am going to acknowledge a way that he was a good Dad. Reality is like that. No person is completely good or completely bad. We all have various levels of good and bad. If someone, anyone had realized his mental state of mind and taken a moment to check for our safety, then my world would have been so different, but I wouldn’t be as strong as I am. God never wastes our suffering.
See, there was one place where I felt safe with my Dad. I am not exaggerating. It took me a great deal of time to discover this… We are talking decades… This place was in the kitchen while he was cooking or waiting for dinner. There he would dance with me. He would tell me that he wanted me to know how to follow when I was asked to dance.
This year, I have been learning to follow, and as my Heavenly Father has danced with me. You couldn’t see it if you walked with me at the canal, but those walks, they are often a dance with God. How do you dance with God? He holds you in His hand and shows you the way to go. He moves gently and you know which way to turn.
Then He moves again and you turn to the next thing.
He wants to dance with you. He wants to be your safety. He wants to hold you in His hand.
The song goes on, “I’ll cover you just hold onto me, let go over the shore and run to the sea.” Sometimes in the sea, we feel threatened by waves. They are overwhelming, but have you ever been in the ocean with someone who held you as the waves came and went? You were safe. They float up above the wave with you as your feet leave the bottom of the ocean, and then back down, again. Although don’t forget that if you fight the direction, then you’ll get smacked by a giant salty wave. We must move where He leads us. We must follow. In fighting His direction, no matter how scary it looks there is no rest. However, if you relax then you can enjoy the tumultuous ocean. “Dance with me here and now, I’ll be your shelter safe and sound.”
God is inviting you to run to the sea with Him.
“Dance with me under the stars, I’ll leave you better than I found.”
Even on the worst day of your life, if you’re with Him then you are always better than when He found you. Maybe the only gift isn’t what He has promised, but perhaps it’s the dance as He holds me in the waiting.
If you aren’t sure how to dance in the waves as you learn to follow, call me. I can help. 302 270 8503
You can find me at WomenFindHope.com